I’m sure this topic will be highly relatable. This topic has no racial barriers. “Bad mothers” are not uncommon in society and tend to be at the root of many mentally unstable individuals.
To me, having kids should be an enriching experience! As far as I am concerned people should have kids when they at a point in life to be able to provide ALL of the essential needs. I never understood how women could get pregnant, have a baby knowing she was not prepared, struggle to raise it and as a result have become bitter in the process. Speaking from experience, I had a disabled mother who could never be satisfied. Took her frustrations out on her kids and attempted to hinder our lives and burden us with her constant bad decisions. My idea always was this. If you know that you are either too sick or to unprepared to have kids, why have them when there is no guarantee that things will be fine especially given your situation? I had to finally step back and allow her to pay the consequences of her own action as a young person. As I told her “you have been this way since before I got here and you you be this way when I leave. I’ve done my best however I will NOT accept your mistreatment for your mistakes.”
Up until a few years ago I allowed her to bring me down. I truly believe her purpose for having us was to have individuals who would assist you forever. I have no problem helping anyway especially my mother, however, I also have a life to live. I used to think the reason she shot my dreams and ambitions out if the sky because she was afraid for me instead it was simply because that did not fit HER plan. I know my situation is unique but many have mothers who abuse them in one way or another, especially those of us born into the struggle.
As an adult I see many struggling mothers taking their frustrations out on their kids wether younger or older. It’s sad because this world of full of rotten people and the one person you should have in your corner is your mother. Not a mother calling you hateful things or hitting you. Not a mother who would allow anyone else to hurt you. I mean after all she is the one who made the conscious decision to bring you into this world. Having have dealt with a bitter and hateful mother, I can see how someone could become a mean person. When you strive to to the best you can and she created this whole big mess in the first place is quite the burden. With mothers like these who needs enemies. I have come to realize that her burdens and misery is not my burdens and misery. I have to live for me. It’s not fair to be confined to your mothers house when you don’t live peacefully together no matter what the circumstance is if she says you are the source of her misfortune or worthless, etc. no one is worth being miserable for, not even a mother. Mother who truly love you think before they call you something nasty or raise a hand to you or a minor issue. Mothers are generally supposed to be the one you turn to not the one who burn you. And those of you who went through it or are still going through it just keep in mind that as long as you know you have done your best you will be fine. Stay ambitious and focus on success because you success is the best revenge!
Success seems to be a blessing and a curse! BIG said “Mo money, mo problems.” He was right. Especially in the urban community where people tend to have a sense of entitlement . Jealousy and envy reside everywhere as do users, who await as well. It’s common for family and close friends to see fit that they benefit and often times they are much deserving if they took part in positive aspects in your life. Then there are those who just think they are entitled.
Especially in urban communities where many people are struggling, any glimmer of success is enticing, exciting and enriching if approach correctly. People if the entertainment industry experience this a lot. Where people they associated with in the most minimal ways think that they put some type of bit in. These people are usually two faced and looking for a coat tail to lath their grimy paws onto. Most times these people didn’t contribute to your success what so ever yet because you smoked a blunt with them or went to school with then this validates them and that is simply not true.
In your pursuit of success people are trying to attack you and bring you down to their level because they don’t see themselves becoming successful. These people will associate themselves as if they are friends, discreetly attempt to derail your projects and aspirations, will bad mouth I chance they get. Those who progress past this also have to deal with these types bashing their image and just being shady overall.
As soon as these slim buckets get the boot, suddenly you’re not keep it real, you’re ego trippin, you’re selfish, etc. even without fame success or pursuit of is a magnet for shady characters. If you have ever encountered any of these people you know how trifling they can get. These suckers will also be the fist ones checkin for you when they need something or see you doin better than them! Don’t sweat the bullshit because success will always be the best revenge!
Comment below & as always thanks for reading,
A. The Blogger
I first want to thank all of my followers!! I hope this continues to be a positive and unifying experience!! I want to get into a topic that a friend and I had. Are black women too harsh?
For starters, you will never be able to lump everyone together. I am multi-racial and therefore have been exposed to many different types of people, so I have a pretty good perspective on people of different backgrounds. I also want to say that I always try and look at both sides of any issue, so I want to say in advance that none of my topics are meant to offend anyone! However, feel free to comment if you would like to.
Black women compared to women of other backgrounds in particular have a unique circumstance, as do black men. We were striped of our identities straight out of he gate. We are one of the only races of people who cannot determine where exactly our African ancestors came from. Our start here in America was definitely not that great and it has not been all that progressive over all. A trailer park (white ghetto) is a lot different than the projects (black ghetto). Although both have issues. The projects is obviously a whole other ball game and we all know the dangers of such so I am not going to spend a lot of time on that.
There are also a lot of negative portrayals of black people on television( tell a vision) that do not necessarily present us in the best light. Black women in particular tend to be portrayed as loud, ghetto, gold digger, groupie, twerkin big booty shakin, & uncivilized. While I myself have met women of such calibers and was not impressed at all, I know that these women do not represent the masses of black women. I know because I do not obtain these traits although I too am far from perfect.
I observe many black men who get successful and marry a white women, which this is another topic coming soon! I understand that people have preferences and I am multi racial and clearly have no problem with interracial relationships. However, I have a problem with the successful black men who think its all good to bash black women as if they themselves are NOT still black….again another topic for another time.
There are many black women who, due to the way they carry themselves will always be hood with theirs. There are black women who strive for success and there are good diggin black women. Some black women can be too independent. I am not saying a woman can’t do her own thang, okay! However, ladies if you Have a man who WANTS to be the man and is capable of being fully responsible why not make SOME compromise and tone it down a bit. Let him step up and show and prove the man he is. We sometimes have this burning desire to be soo successful that we over look the good men that come along and we turn them away and then later say “girl, it ain’t no good men out here no more.” No, sometimes we over look them or run them off being too independent that “I don’t need a man for ish” mentality.
Well honey you may not need a man but if you want a man and a good one, you need to let him be that while still maintaining your own position without destroying his man hood which will eventually run him off. If you are more successful than your man, push him to be successful. Success generally attracts success so if that’s where you want to be than that should be standard you set forth. And ladies quit being so picky, being selective is fair just try not to be too superficial!
Black women are all beautiful and we have been through a lot of cultural bull ish. If our black men support us instead of down us or concluding that we are the same as the faulty sistas they have dealt with and vice versa, our community will be revitalized! From the hood to high society, I love all of m black peeps. We need to look into ourselves and fix the problems and then be the change we wish to see!!!
Do you fit the social standard of attractive? In society we are met w/ so called standards. You are only attractive if you have a certain look and if you don’t then you are less desirable!
Beautiful women exist in all races, nationalities and body types. I don’t like that so many women have low self esteem issues due to the false portrayals they are bombarded with. The pressure to look good is insurmountable! People continue to go through all sorts of extremes to look a way that just isn’t meant for them. If it weren’t for media, plastic surgeons would not be as popular and sought after.
I am not one to judge human being. I will never go through exactly what you have gone through & vice versa. So I will never feel exactly what you feel. I just see the deception & corruption set forth. I see the way that young women especially are impacted by such falseness. I am also not bashing celebs as try are just doing their jobs, though they surely understand would is happening. I do however want to insure the many women in the world who go through the self doubt or in some cases self hatred.
No need fixing something that isn’t broken. We look the way we do, due to factors such as genes, life style,& diet. Women everywhere deserve to feel beautiful. Ladies, there are many men in the world with all sorts of desires and fantasies. Only once you embrace every part of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually will you find what you are truly looking for. Please, do not allow these so called standards dictate how you feel about yourself!
As a woman I most definitely understand the pressures to look good. Appealing to others is a natural desires within human kind. With constant images of gorgeous people in the entertainment industry and these images tend to set the “trends” or expectations of ones appearance. Pop culture tends to set a particularly high standard for what it means to be attractive.
Many of us also didn’t experience positive role models and in many cases lacked validation where it actually matters. As a result people seek to feel voids and have a sense of pressure to be accepted and wanted. While most cosmetic surgery procedures are successful but is the individual successful.
All too often people get multiple surgeries trying to fix what they think is wrong. Generally what we think is a flaw really isn’t as bad as we think. The reason it becomes a problem is because someone or something places the idea it ones head that there is something lacking. These events usually happen in our childhoods and are traumatic enough to file itself in our subconscious and nag at us and force us to pick ourselves apart. Unfortunately, many of these people who choose plastic surgery as a solution find that the prior problem arises yet again at some point. And this problem is generally whatever underlying insecurity one may have and its source.
The problem with plastic surgery is that it will not and can not address the REAL problem or reason for such a drastic need to “enhance” or “fix” themselves. The misconception is that it must work because we usually only see people when the swelling has gone done and they see themselves for the first time without any traces of medical happening and they are just beyond excited. Of course its excited initially because its something new. Once again, if there was an insecurity problem will arise to tell you something else is wrong and you need to change it.
Media and entertainment most definitely contribute to such insecurities for many people. Whether it be physical insecurity, financial or otherwise. Everyday we are faced with what seems to be perfect people, with perfect lives, unlimited money and the all around dream. Pretty much any desire and aspiration is placed in front of us with a slight air of inaccessibility. We are sold a false perception which leads to countless people putting themselves through hell to reach an unrealistic standard.
Truth is, everything is not always what it seems. Trust me, if we all had celeb makeovers there would be a shift in self confidence in people. Everyone has flaws, yes, we all have imperfections. We are not meant to be the same. What we may perceive as a flaw may be attractive to someone else. Remember beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. No need to break somethin that ain’t broke!!
This topic is a deep one. Speaking for America, there is a very high rate of men who dip out on their families whether before the birth or after. This issue is particularly important to me be issue my father was never there.
It’s always much fun to do the do, that sexual healing. This is part of human nature and not you or I can deny such. There is nothing wrong with some passionate intimacy. The problem is when one gets stuck with the responsibility(usually the mother) and the other moves on(usually the father). Don’t get me wrong there are extreme cases where folks are better off not dealing and then the child be explained such circumstances at a later, more appropriate date. We all know I am not referring to these extreme cases but rather the more common dead beat situation.
It is all to common for black men especially to create a child and leave it due to I fidelity or some other issue. I am not here to bash one or the other but instead focus on the casualties of the situation, us, the children.
Growing up without a father introduces automatic feeling of self worth, poor decisions in dating, especially us women because we run around trying to fill a void with all the wrong people who see what we are yearning for and therefore tend to take advantage. Both parents are equally important, it’s just far more common for fathers to leave.
Many men who have grown up without fathers end up in jail, have hostile relationships with their wives, tend to leave their own children behind. You know why? It’s simple, the man responsible for showing these men how to be men through example. Plus, many of these same men despise women having had to deal with what they might perceived to be an angry black woman. That black woman struggling every day to raise them in such stressful conditions.
Honestly, we all have a responsibility to make sure we understand what we are getting into when getting in someone’s bed. I myself seek to make sure my life is prepared for a new edition and until then I am wise with how I ago about my intimate affairs. It takes two to tango so the person I am laying down with needs to have these same ideals. Black mothers are amazing. Black father are to be the leaders and protecters. It is essentially that folks realize that once a child is present in the equation all other issues should be visited in more mature and productive fashions rather than just leaving the innocent ones to deal with a world of trouble.
I would like to hear from you so please leave a comment below!
I’m sure you have all heard of a drug called Molly! I think it is a dangerous drug and has the potential to have detrimental impact on ones life. Unlike weed, you can never be sure how you, the individual will be affected by this drug. Molly is a slang term for MDMA or better know ecstasy.
I am not one to judge anyone or shake my finger and say what others can and can’t do. My concern is about the glorification I pop culture and the effect on society. Folks haven’t really heard much until a few you people died in NY at electro zoo or what that event was. Other events have been shut down due to the impact of Molly. I hate to see people with influence promote destruction. I hate even more for people to go out and do what they think celebrities are doing only to the results being less than desirable.
Pop culture has young black men still wanting to be drug dealers, gangsters and players. Got women believing they need to be promiscuous for anyone to want her. I mean the level of deception is sickening. I hope that young people especially will stop trying to be like these false idols and make better decisions. Molly is dangerous and as we see has no real benefit to society. Feel free to comment!